As men grow older and financially secure, the pool of women available to them increases – both younger as well as money grabbing of course. This translates into a higher likelihood of the waiting game for men. Women, on the other hand, as they grow older, are faced with fewer remaining child bearing years. This slow death of the womb increases their intent to get married and often translates into subtle desperation.
A much eligible bachelor friend of mine once pointed out that desperate women are a big turn off. Women who lament that there is a dearth of good men are digging their own lonely graves. His analogy was that it’s just as offensive to guys to hear this lament as it would be for women to hear a guy state that he only dates buxom women. Men apparently translate such women who frequently opine on the lack of good men, as being given a pass by their brethren, thus initiating a vicious cycle.
I wonder how much of this perception of ‘lack of good men’ is our own delusion? How much of it is driven by our own ticking clocks that it drives us to have unreasonable expectations about the sperm giver?
Many of my accomplished, wonderful girl friends turn into veritable traders in their search for men. Every action, gesture of their male dates is weighed and pontificated on. Just the fun of meeting someone new becomes a chore rather than an adventure. Well, my learned eligible bachelor friend may be somewhat right…. Men may be responding with ‘well, fuck that, I have other seas to churn’!
A very accomplished friend of mine once recounted what works for her. Her litany of requests included that the guy should be buff, should not be balding or bald (I think she would overcome this if he were Zinedine Zidane or that may be my bias), should earn more than her, travel the world with her, enjoy ski/scuba, be successful (yes, money was not enough, he had to be famous in his circles and have potential to be featured on the cover of the Times) etc etc… What perplexed me was that this was a grown 30+ woman and there was nary a word about what sort of a companion she wanted!
According to Lori Gottlieb (author of Marry Him: The case for settling for Mr. Good Enough), the problem is that women are no longer satisfied with companionship, security, and stability. Instead, we believe we deserve it all, and that includes a soul mate who is exciting, passionate, masculine, and has the same emotions women do.
Well, ladies, my advice is do not lose sight of our inner selves as we grow older…and as the bard said (excerpt and not in actual sequence)
“All that glitters is not gold;
Gilded tombs do worms enfold.
Had you been as wise as bold,
Young in limbs, in judgment old”
Gilded tombs do worms enfold.
Had you been as wise as bold,
Young in limbs, in judgment old”
