Chapter 14: Cornfield Theory of Mating Behaviour

A male friend of mine recently pontificated on differences in how men and women differ in mating behavior using the cornfield theory. 

The experiment goes that a man and a woman were sent into a cornfield to get the best sheaf of corn and return within 20 minutes. The woman returned in 3 minutes whereas the man came back hurrying, far exceeding the allotted 20 minutes. When queried, the woman answered that she found a corn that looked nice, full and large enough and she thought that it would do as the best corn. (This all lends me to believe that it’s the cosmetic lobby that is creating penis insecurity and advertising genital enlargement. For most women, if it works, can screw clock and anti-clockwise, it suffices).

The man, however, answered that he found one quickly enough but wanted to check if there was something better further afield and hence, wandered, lost his way, and took time to get back. (This lends me to believe that the drive towards breast enlargement is encouraged by the male brethren and is not merely a massive move to create new areas of medical research and jobs).

I was also informed that various other rational choice theories also come into play to explain the difference in mating behavior. A man is driven by ‘competitive analysis’ … the more desirable he perceives the woman, the higher the value he attaches to the relationship (this actually plays well into my conquistador example- see Unicorns and Horses). Men, hence, are continuously scanning and playing the game of upgrading to the newer and more desirable models. As they grow older, they also have a wider field (with an increasingly younger band of women) to play especially equipped as they are with older man wiles of more money and charm (read ability to lie, dissimulate and pretend effectively).

Women, on the other hand, operate under a cost/benefit analysis where they perceive higher benefits of marriage associated with children and shared effort of raising them (read http://137.140.1.71/jsec/articles/volume2/issue2/JSEC_Bokek-Cohen2-2.pdf  for more enlightenment on the subject). And as this benefit escalates as we grow older, so the women sift and choose from the available pool to mitigate risks and costs of not being able to pop a bawling infant or two and be part of a family structure.

Cosmo says that men are natural born one-uppers; if there is a possibility of upgrading, they will. My womb agonized sisters on the other hand, continue to play the game by exercising, botoxing and dieting to maintain the upgraded look … pavlovian conditioning indeed!!!

Chapter 13: Of Unicorns and Horses

My friend, of testicular origin, is waxing and waning between his preferences for different types of women. At one end is a woman with a steady job who has the time to devote to loving and caring for him. At the other end is an overachieving woman who prioritizes career first and barely has time to scrape for a relationship. 

After much struggle with his rational self and the undivided attention from the kind woman, he decided to forego on this inner beauty. My Rich Indian Banker (RIB) friend could not resist the temptation of conquering the testosterone woman. However, his fear continues… that such a prize horse will not give him the love and care that he got from the horse that he decided was a little lame for his adventurous tastes. My prognosis for my RIB friend is that he will continue to look for the unicorn and lose both the horses in the endeavor.

As some of us women approach our mid-30s, we are struggling with whether to continue to let career  take up our undivided attention or to slow down and smell the roses.. aka listen to the tocking of our biological clock. If Lady Gaga is to be the role model, she recently commented in Cosmo, “, “Some women choose to follow men, and some women choose to follow their dreams. If you're wondering which way to go, remember that your career will never wake up and tell you that it doesn't love you anymore." So shall we continue to find cold comfort in our careers?

A guy friend of mine laid the facts out. He stated it clearly that he likes overachieving women. Women with a demanding career, more money and who don’t give a damn about relationship status are his thing. It’s another story altogether that his commitment phobic nature is legendary and that’s what probably drives him to such women. Successful women, in his opinion, are mature enough to take his inability to commit in a stride and still put out. He reasons that since these women have other important things to do, they do not give import to the lack of a serious relationship in their lives. This translates into stimulating conversation, easy sex and nothing much beyond it for my man friend and a case of scratching the itch for the lady in question.

So where does this leave women like me who are gearing up for a matrimonial fulfilled existence? Are we lame horses since we give a damn? In this city, after all, the men play at being conquistadors. They so fervently hunt for the evasive prize that attraction to inherent qualities of goodness appear to take a backseat.

My only piece of advice to the girl-horses out there is - sift through the conquistadors and wait for the one who will be there for you whether you go lame or turn into a race horse.  If it feels like work to be with a man, it’s the wrong sort of work!!! So wait for the one that matters - the one who will be done notching up his bedpost.

Chapter 12: Dating Older Men

My friend is an aficionado of the older men… they are like cigars according to her- aged and cured. I, on the other hand, tended to believe that they are dry, brittle and occasionally smell. But caught in a quandary where my age compatible brethren are dating 10 year younger, I needed to scout out the 10 year older age group. So I started raiding the online world for the aged but not decrepit.

To my surprise, I found many a bohemian soul in sane exterior amongst this age group. Here were men who had explored the material world to feed their body but now were looking for fodder to feed their soul. Some had demanding corporate jobs which they gave up to help small businesses. Some were actively engaged in charity organizations and others were exploring their aspiring playwright. And unlike my redbull-vodka imbibing age compatriots, they enjoyed a fine scotch and French wine and were willing to feed me. Indeed, far far removed from boys who flinched at even ordering cheese to accompany the wine, wanted to go ‘dutch’ and expected exchange of bodily fluid, French style right on the first date.

And truth be told, I was young and beautiful in these wisdom infused eyes… a veritable feast of youth and energy. Never mind that my joints have started aching in the cold and my left knee doth protest too much while climbing up the stairs.

These men had pictures of doing fun things other than drinking and posing with cleavage endowed friends. They are climbing rock walls, swimming in the deep blue, catching a fish, visiting Angkor Vat and many such exciting things. They profess they are looking for women who have a mind, can debate and argue with a passion, guffaw loudly at their jokes… basically be an independent entity with their own rights. So what was wrong with this picture?

While the maturity is admirable, the lack of hair in the right places brings pause. In fact, ever since I went out on a couple of dates with the more mature men, I have had a sudden fascination for hirsute men. I cannot keep my eyes off flowing locks, bearded faces, basically hair everywhere other than sprouting from the nose or ears or on the back. (I mean, I like a furry torso, but how grotesque is hair on the shoulders... unless you have a fascination for werewolves!!)

So are the mid-40s a hard sell.. or shall I say a soft shell? The mind and the soul are just where I want them to be, but where are the George Clooney look-a-likes? I am still left to wonder whether I should consider being the Porsche to their mid-life crisis or keep looking for the X-box obsessed to mature beyond the World of Warcraft?

But on a serious note, they do come with some baggage.. and sometimes this baggage is in the form of a 20 something child. The idea of being maternal to a 20 year old is anathema to me. Not to mention the divorce, the hours of therapy and an iron-clad pre-nup agreement carried in the coat pocket. And if they are single and unattached… guess what … their fear of commitment can put a 30 year old man to shame.

Well, Cosmo says that women are increasingly finding older men attractive and I guess age is after all, only a number. So my search for a George Clooney amongst the older but not diaper clad continues…