A remnant of an old warrior clan instinct drives men to uphold the vow of ‘bros before hoes’. But are the hoes responding in kind? Where is our bonding cry of chicks before dicks?
A friend of mine recently voiced her opinion on my pickiness. My much married friend was of the view that the reason that I stayed unmarried is because I am subconsciously choosing it to be so. She held me responsible for inadvertently subverting any relationship by being picky and impatient. Any attempt to explain my circumstances of mainly meeting men who she would normally consider empty husks, rained on deaf ears. I was given examples of times that I turned down some opportunities …. irrespective of the fact, that these so-called opportunities were opportunistic and self-obsessed men who were much applauded for their sexual prowess in bedding a different girl every week.
I was held responsible for choosing not to date these men and spare myself the mental trauma and self doubt that would have succeeded this encounter. I was advised that I should have persevered and hoped that I would turn these men into a veritable picture of loyalty and fidelity. That I chose not to rise up to the challenge was deemed my fault.
On being dated and baited by a rich banker, another friend of mine was quick to point out that I should not ‘screw this one up’. She hinted that if anything were to go wrong, it would surely be my lack of social graces. She advised me amply on effective verbal communication, suppressing my outspoken opinions, body language and all things under the sun. It duly turned out that the man in question was adept at dating multiple women at the same time and his suspicious morals extended to compulsive lying as well. I wonder whether my friend thinks that I should have not dropped him like a potato but made it a mission to turn him away from his errant ways and win myself a ring in the bargain?
Where is the camaraderie and acceptance of yore? I remember the days when the coven was a safe place where you went and were forgiven for all transgressions. When did it turn into this court of judgment being exercised by the much married against the much single? Now when we need our girls the most, why are we being condemned to the doghouse? In our moment of most vulnerability, why is the shoulder being withdrawn?
I want to remind my much loved and married friends of Jude’s Speech in Bridget Jones’ diary: The edge of reason and her vow to her single friends when she is getting married.
“Today I bade farewell to being a singleton. But although I am now married, I promise never to be a smug one. I promise never to torment any singletons in the world by asking them why they’re still not married or ever say “How’s your love life?” Instead I will always respect that that is as much their private business as whether I’m still having sex with my husband. I promise never to suggest that singletondom is a mistake or that because someone is a singleton there is anything wrong with them. For as we all know singletondom is a normal state in the modern world. All of us are single at different times in our lives and the state is every bit as worthy of respect as holy wedlock. I promise also to keep in constant contact with my best friends who are living proof that the urban singleton family is just as strong and supportive, just as there for you as anyone’s blood family”.
