A friend of mine recently wondered aloud “Where were the MEN?” Why are we stuck in the midst of 35 year old boys stuck in their 20s? Why are they stuck while we women in our mid-30s have grown and embraced change while our male counterparts resisted it?
I spent my 20s fighting tooth and nail to prove that I can take care of myself. I paid my own bills, bought my own designer togs, paid for my own dirty martini and sometimes, paid for my dates as well. I recall how on one of the dates of my misspent youth, the guy hinted that I was mainly responsible for the moderate scale of gluttony and the copious amount of liquor consumption, which led me to offer to take up the bill…. and I did not flinch or think he was parsimonious. This was all done in the name of independence and for a vague feminist ideal that left me with other people’s bills.
But I do wonder why on earth did I spend more than a decade repelling this allowance of indulgence? And I wonder if the attitude has strictly to do with the propagation of the popular definition of feminism or equally with the way that men perceive women?
I recently received an email from an online match who said that he is looking for a woman who can pay for her own drinks. Another friend of mine, unfortunately the rich banker variety, mentioned that he sizes most women up as gold diggers and would like to see a woman who can pay her own way (unless of course she is super hot model and then everything else be damned.. he would be happy to buy her a condo).
It appears that not only have I battled to hold up the torch of feminism but also waged a war to gain respect of men. So after these major and minor skirmishes, am I regressing by wanting a MAN? Someone to ‘take care of me?’
Someone who will open doors for me, pay for dinner, take me to the opera…. not because I cannot but because it makes me feel indulged and taken care of. It reminds me that I am desirable… and yes, it is likely that it stems from the insecurity of fading youth.
In return, I want to cook dinner with him, surprise him with sexy lingerie, massage his head, debate the demerits of religion and politics and have his babies…
Cosmo says that men feel that if a woman is overly independent, they worry that there isn’t a place for him in her life. Well, we are making some space… but where are the MEN?
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